There is a heart-warming story of a husband who worked faithfully for his employer for many years. He knew he should ask for a raise, but found it to be too difficult to approach his boss, so kept procrastinating.

One day his wife said, “Go ask him, you got this.” He finally approached his employer. The employer thought and responded, “yes, with pleasure.”

When the husband arrived back home, he was greeted with a wonderful celebration that his wife prepared. A royal feast, with all his favourite foods that would have taken a whole day to prepare. On the table he found a letter that read: “ My dear husband, I knew you would get the raise, you deserve it. This feast is to show how much I love and respect you.”

When the wife got up to get the dessert, another letter accidentally fell out of her pocket. The husband picked up the letter, it said: “My dear husband, don’t worry, its not a big deal. Even if you didn’t get the raise I still respect and love you. I made this whole feast to express how much I care about you, regardless of the outcome.”

The husband began to cry when he realised how much he should value and respect his wife in return.

The Parsha this week has 74 Mitzvot! One of them is the Mitzvah to get married according to Jewish law. In addition to the laws of a Jewish wedding, the Torah also teaches us about the proper approach and attitude to marriage.

In Pirkei avot this is called אהבה שאינה תלויה בדבר – A love that does not depend on an outcome.

The Mishna concludes that a love that doesn’t depend on specific outcomes or expectations, will endure. The reason that the love endures, is because the focus becomes the value of the person and less on the externalities.

It is this time of year, as we approach Rosh Hashana, to reflect on our relationships, and to put focus on the intrinsic value of our loved ones.

Shabbat Shalom!

Rabbi Zalman and Esty